The whole international pandemic thing that’s going down forced the 2020 March Madness to be cancelled. Or so you thought.
The NCAA is skipping this year’s tournament at all levels, but /r/CollegeBasketball has sponsored its own alternative Men’s Division I tournament: Reddit March Madness. Streamed exclusively on YouTube and executed with a college basketball video game from almost 15 years ago, this year’s March Madness is sure to be unpredictable and full of really dumb turnovers.
Nothing But Nylon is providing the exclusive* coverage of the event from the bedroom of our headquarters. Don’t miss any of the real* quotes and bone-breaking analysis that you’ll only find here because of how exclusive* this content is.
* = this means you can’t sue me
Reddit March Madness Second Round – 6 West Virginia 81, 3 Duke 74
While the whole world cowers in anxiety and stress over the coronavirus crisis, there is a silver lining to the entire tragic situation: Duke has lost in the second round of Reddit March Madness.
That’s right, the Duke Blue Devils fell victim to West Virginia, 81-74, getting their asses blasted in a video game. And people aren’t going to let them forget it.
“HahahaaHahha take that dookies!” @TarHeelTami tweeted.
As if that scathing review from TarHeelTami wasn’t bad enough, West Virginia head coach Bob Huggins made sure to rub Duke’s nose in the dirt.
Before the game, Duke head coach Mike Krzyzewski suggested that not all of the Mountaineers could read. Huggins didn’t appreciate that assertion and brought up his team’s superior APR numbers, plus flashed his claws in a show of aggression.
After the game, he had some choice words for the Krzyzewski.
“In case he was wondering if I can read, I took a look at the scoreboard and wanted to let him know that I read, ‘WEST VIRGINIA 81, DUKE 74,'” Huggins said. “He can let me know later if I read that right.”
It wasn’t comfortable in the end, though, even after West Virginia built a large lead in the middle of the second half. The Mountaineers were up 19, 63-44, following an Oscar Tshiebwe steal and coast-to-coast slam with 10:33 listed on the clock.
A layup from Tre Jones about 10 minutes later made it a one-score game, 72-69, with just 36.5 seconds to play, the massive advantage for West Virginia nearly gone.
That’s when Jordan McCabe stepped up to the line and drilled two free throws to push the lead back to five and beginning the dagger that would be finished with a steal on the ensuring possession.
“Through the use of Power Balance, I have gained perfect balance and become an unstoppable force on the basketball court,” McCabe said, turning to the camera with a forced smile. “And for the low price of $19.95, you too can have all of your balancing needs met. Price does not include shipping and handling. If your Power Balance does not, take your receipt and shove it up your ass, because you’re not getting your money back, moron.
“Batteries not included.”
Everyone wanted to speak with Kryzyewski after Duke suffered the painful loss that ended a two-year Sweet 16 streak. The coach did not shake Huggins’s paw after the game, opting instead for the blow-by approach, and the media was frothing at the mouth.
“His claws are sharp. I really didn’t mean anything by it,” Krzyzewski said with that smarmy shrug thing he does. “The chest pat is everything, and he wasn’t going to chest pat me, so I was under no obligation to chest pat him. Those are the rules of chest pats.
“Make sure to check out behind-the-scenes footage from this heartbreaking loss on all your streaming devices, which will make tons of money for the university that the stars of the show will never see. And that’s how television works.”
West Virginia will play No. 2 seed Villanova in the Sweet 16, the program’s fourth trip to the round in six seasons. Be sure to follow along with Nothing But Nylon’s comprehensively exclusive* coverage of the 2020 Reddit March Madness.
Part of the proceeds from the sale of each #RedditMarchMadness t-shirt will go toward helping those in the basketball community affected by COVID-19. We will be partnering with non-profits like the Give and Go Foundation on the effort. If you know of a worthy group that could use some extra funds, please reach out.