The whole international pandemic thing that’s going down forced the 2020 March Madness to be cancelled. Or so you thought.
The NCAA is skipping this year’s tournament at all levels, but /r/CollegeBasketball has sponsored its own alternative Men’s Division I tournament: Reddit March Madness. Streamed exclusively on YouTube and executed with a college basketball video game from almost 15 years ago, this year’s March Madness is sure to be unpredictable and full of really dumb turnovers.
Nothing But Nylon is providing the exclusive* coverage of the event from the bedroom of our headquarters. Don’t miss any of the real* quotes and bone-breaking analysis that you’ll only find here because of how exclusive* this content is.
* = this means you can’t sue me
Reddit March Madness First Round – 3 Seton Hall 94, 14 Belmont 67
After Seton Hall waxed Belmont, 94-67, Pirates head coach Kevin Willard generated a ball of wind underneath him and zoomed around the court celebrating.
The Last Airbender had just helped take Seton Hall to the Round of 32 for only the second time since 2004, and in convincing fashion, too.
“My forehead is angled like it is for aerodynamics,” Willard explained. “And this blue arrow on it shows how dedicated I am to Seton Hall.”
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That same jubilation was not shared on the other side as Belmont failed to advance to the second round since, well, ever. The Bruins have only won one tournament game – a First Four win over Temple in 2019 – and never gone beyond the first round, failing to get further in each of their nine tries, including 2020.
“It’s not what we came here hopin’ for,” Belmont head coach and country music studio recording artist Casey Alexander sang with a twang, “but it is what we’re leavin’ here cryin’ for.”
Seton Hall forward Sandro Mamukelashvili did not come to the press conference. I merely wanted to make you read his name in our head, or perhaps read it out loud if you’re sharing this article with a friend, someone who can’t read or a friend who can’t read. It’s a silly name, and we should appreciate it more.
Pirates guard Myles Powell was named Player of the Game after racking up 23 points, six assists and five steals. Powell was one of the top scorers in college basketball this season, and as a young entrepreneur, he tried using the spotlight of the tournament to showcase his brand.
“You can find me at @MylesMakinMoolah on every social media platform,” Powell said, counting them out on his fingers. “I got Foursquare, I got VK, I got LinkedIn, I got everything. I even got Weibo, son. China, hit me up!”
In all, this game was pretty boring. It will not be remembered in the pantheon of first-round double-digit-seed blowouts.
“Yawn,” said everyone, collectively.
Seton Hall will play No. 11 seed Texas Tech in the second round at a classified date and time. Be sure to follow along with Nothing But Nylon’s comprehensively exclusive* coverage of the 2020 Reddit March Madness.
Part of the proceeds from the sale of each #RedditMarchMadness t-shirt will go toward helping those in the basketball community affected by COVID-19. We will be partnering with non-profits like the Give and Go Foundation on the effort. If you know of a worthy group that could use some extra funds, please reach out.