The whole international pandemic thing that’s going down forced the 2020 March Madness to be cancelled. Or so you thought.
The NCAA is skipping this year’s tournament at all levels, but /r/CollegeBasketball has sponsored its own alternative Men’s Division I tournament: Reddit March Madness. Streamed exclusively on YouTube and executed with a college basketball video game from almost 15 years ago, this year’s March Madness is sure to be unpredictable and full of really dumb turnovers.
Nothing But Nylon is providing the exclusive* coverage of the event from the bedroom of our headquarters. Don’t miss any of the real* quotes and bone-breaking analysis that you’ll only find here because of how exclusive* this content is.
* = this means you can’t sue me
Reddit March Madness First Round – 1 Baylor 85, 16 Boston University 68
Scott Drew was arrested one first-degree murder charges Sunday night in Raleigh, North Carolina, and Baylor murdered Boston University in the first round of Reddit March Madness, 85-68.
Witnesses said Drew and his associates arrived at the arena at promptly 10 p.m. EST when the stream began. It wasn’t immediately violent, they said, but it only took Baylor a little more than 11 minutes to build a double-digit lead it wouldn’t relinquish. From then on, the horror began to unfold.
Baylor slashed through the soft tissue of the Boston University defense as it bled points. It soon became difficult to watch.
“I’ll never forget what I saw here tonight,” said a grave Witness A, who can not be identified for fear of retribution. “I can’t stop replaying it over and over in my head. No human being should treat another human being like that. No one.”
Before being taken to the station, a handcuffed Scott Drew was allowed a few minutes at the post-game press conference.
“I can’t control who the committee gives me,” he said. “It wasn’t my call. I was just doing my job.”
It didn’t take long for conspiracy theorists to grab hold of the situation, and those flames were fanned when a recent report a guy on Facebook claimed that the NCAA wanted Boston University “eliminated” because its “name is dumb.”
“The NCAA wanted eliminate Boston University because its name is dumb,” the report from Scoops Callahan reads. “They think it’s pretentious that they always have to have the University or U in there, and that it’s too much of a mouthful. So, they put Baylor and Scott Drew on the job, and now an innocent university is dead.”
The bloodthirsty nature of the crime is what has America reeling the most from the slaughter. Boston University head coach Joe Jones, who died in the melee, said he hopes the book is thrown at Scott Drew and anyone else who had anything to do with this.
“I’m suing!” he screamed before the final horn sounded and his body went up in flames.
It is unknown whether or not Scott Drew will be coaching the Bears in their next game, which will be against No. 9 seed Indiana in the second round. Be sure to follow along with Nothing But Nylon’s comprehensively exclusive* coverage of the 2020 Reddit March Madness.
Part of the proceeds from the sale of each #RedditMarchMadness t-shirt will go toward helping those in the basketball community affected by COVID-19. We will be partnering with non-profits like the Give and Go Foundation on the effort. If you know of a worthy group that could use some extra funds, please reach out.