Baylor men’s basketball head coach and wax-statue impersonator Scott Drew has been arrested on first-degree murder changes for the second time in a year following the massacre of the Kansas State men’s basketball program.
Drew’s Bears savagely slaughtered the Wildcats, 107-59, in Waco on Wednesday night, tearing apart the flesh of their opponents with glee and threes as Drew instructed, conspired and celebrated the inhumanity of the worst massacre in Kansas State history.
Coronavirus restrictions allowed only 2,350 witnesses in the arena, all of whom showed their support of the killings through smiles, laughter and cheers.
“It was something else,” said a witness who would only identify himself as Rancher Jim. “I’ve been coming to these things for years, and I’ve never seen anything like that. The rush of adrenaline I felt when I watched the life leave the eyes of Willie the Wildcat is something I’m sure I’ll never be able to feel again without taking a man’s life myself. And that’s not something I thought I could do until tonight. It was an inspiring performance.”
This marks the second time since March that Drew has been arrested for first-degree murder. On March 22, Drew was charged with the same crime after the death of the Boston University men’s basketball team in Reddit March Madness. Those charges were dropped and Drew was allowed back into Reddit March Madness after Boston U announced it didn’t care enough about basketball to follow through with it all.
Drew issued a statement from central booking later in the night.
“Kansas State was already dead well before coming to Waco,” the coach explained in the release. “They’ve been lifeless all of 2021. If they weren’t dead before the season started, they were definitely dead by December after losing to previously-winless D2 Fort Hays State, 81-68, which is hilarious. They haven’t stayed within single-digits of anyone since TCU on Jan. 2, AND THEY STILL LOST BY SEVEN.
“Really, the rot has been there for a while,” he continued in his defense. “Bruce Weber did more to murder those kids than I ever have.”
Weber, who has been in charge at Kansas State since 2012 and accidentally took the Wildcats to the Elite Eight in 2018, the only time he’s had the team beyond the first round of the NCAA Tournament, commented on Drew’s accusation.
“I’m sorry,” Weber sobbed, weeping as he looked around, horrified at the destruction he had caused, kneeling down to place his hand on the heart of a barely-breathing Willie the Wildcat moments after the final whistle. “I’m so, so sorry.”
Scott Drew is expected to be released on bail in the coming hours, with stipulations allowing him to continue to serve as Baylor head coach. However, he is restricted from carrying guns, knives, brash knuckles, baseball bats, golf clubs, ninja stars, lead pipes, plastic bags and “any other murder-related devices,” a judge ruled.
“Can’t even carry around ninja stars anymore without people judging you as some kind of weird, psychopathic monster,” Drew said in the statement. “I thought this was Texas.”