The whole international pandemic thing that’s going down forced the 2020 March Madness to be cancelled. Or so you thought.
The NCAA is skipping this year’s tournament at all levels, but /r/CollegeBasketball has sponsored its own alternative Men’s Division I tournament: Reddit March Madness. Streamed exclusively on YouTube and executed with a college basketball video game from almost 15 years ago, this year’s March Madness is sure to be unpredictable and full of really dumb turnovers.
Nothing But Nylon is providing the exclusive* coverage of the event from the bedroom of our headquarters. Don’t miss any of the real* quotes and bone-breaking analysis that you’ll only find here because of how exclusive* this content is.
* = this means you can’t sue me
Reddit March Madness First Round – 7 Providence 84, 10 Rutgers 75
It has been six years since Rutgers last played in the Big East, which was news to Providence head coach Ed Cooley when his team was paired with the Scarlet Knights in the first round of Reddit March Madness.
“I hadn’t really noticed they weren’t around anymore,” he said. “I thought it was strange I never saw them at Madison Square Garden, but I figured they’d shut down the program. It was obvious they’d given up on basketball years ago.”
It made it all the more surprising when he learned his squad would be matched up against Rutgers in the tournament.
“Rutgers?” he was overheard laughing on Selection Sunday. “They know this is the NCAA Tournament, right? We ain’t playing at the local Y.
“THE BIG TEN?!?”
Although Cooley hasn’t paid attention to the program Rutgers head coach and balding big toe Steve Pikiell has been building for the last few years, he was summarily introduced Saturday. The Scarlet Knights took it to the Friars in the first half, opening up a 48-27 lead at the break.
Pikiell was heard talking trash to opposing fans in the tunnel after they tossed the notable of Rutgers slurs, “Buttgers,” at him.
“Yeah, we’re Buttgers,” Pikiell yelled. “That’s why we’ve been kicking so much ass.”
His attitude changed quite a bit when he was walking back through that same tunnel at the conclusion of the contest. His team suffered an utter collapse in the second half, the likes of which will be remembered forever. In incredible fashion, Providence won the matchup comfortably, 84-75.
“Just another day in the Big East,” Cooley said after the game. “It’s like Buttgers never left.”
In roughly nine game minutes in the second half, the Scarlet Knights sacrificed a 25-point lead, and those nine minutes will forever be etched in the mind of sophomore forward and half-man, half-hippopotamus Ron Harper.
“Why do I have to be here?” Harper asked in the post-game press conference. “I’m barely 20 years old. I’m not getting paid. I play for Rutgers, for fuck sake. You think this shit doesn’t suck already? Get out of my face.”
Providence will face the winner of No. 2 seed Florida State and No. 15 seed North Dakota State (Saturday at 9:15 p.m. EST). Be sure to follow along with Nothing But Nylon’s comprehensively exclusive* coverage of the 2020 Reddit March Madness.
