The whole international pandemic thing that’s going down forced the 2020 March Madness to be cancelled. Or so you thought.
The NCAA is skipping this year’s tournament at all levels, but /r/CollegeBasketball has sponsored its own alternative Men’s Division I tournament: Reddit March Madness. Streamed exclusively on YouTube and executed with a college basketball video game from almost 15 years ago, this year’s March Madness is sure to be unpredictable and full of really dumb turnovers.
Nothing But Nylon is providing the exclusive* coverage of the event from the bedroom of our headquarters. Don’t miss any of the real* quotes and bone-breaking analysis that you’ll only find here because of how exclusive* this content is.
* = this means you can’t sue me
Reddit March Madness First Round – 15 North Dakota State 71, 2 Florida State 64
For the second time ever, two No. 15 seeds have taken down their No. 2 seeds in the first round.
The last time it happened was in 2012, when Lehigh and Norfolk State stunned Duke and Missouri, respectively. In 2020, it is Eastern Washington and North Dakota State doing the honors, dispatching of San Diego State and Florida State.
NDSU’s win was the third tournament victory in program history, but none can compare to this.
“I’m going to the liquor store, I’m buying all the liquor they got, and I’m getting drunk as fuck tonight, boys,” promised North Dakota State head coach David Richman.
Florida State head coach Leonard Hamilton, whose jowls have expanded to claim territories in regions previously unknown to man, providing with intelligent life force we had yet to discover, shared a similar message.
“I’m going to the liquor store, I’m buying all the liquor they got, and I’m getting drunk as fuck tonight, boys,” he vowed.
Fouls were a huge difference in this game, as Florida State committed 14 compared to North Dakota State’s six, giving the Bison 23 looks from the line relative to FSU’s eight. Three Seminoles ended the game with four personal fouls, including point guard Trent Forrest.
Hamilton didn’t like the defense from his normally stingy group.
“I might be 71, but I fight like I’m 50,” Hamilton explained. “You think I ain’t seen some shit? I was born in 1948. Not all of these boys will make it home to their families in one piece, and that’s a Leonard Hamilton guarantee.”
The state of North Dakota, represented by an unnamed man holding a generic-brand beer and a matted, gray crew neck with construction pants, hopes the result can help bring recognition to the so-called state.
“We do matter!” North Dakota insisted, waving around its beer can and accidentally spilling a few drops on the floor before slumping down on its stool and hanging its head, remembering all the times it did without through another sip. “I just want my country to say it’s proud of me.”
North Dakota State will match up against No. 7 seed Providence in the second round. Be sure to follow along with Nothing But Nylon’s comprehensively exclusive* coverage of the 2020 Reddit March Madness.
