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Conference realignment

Conference Realignment Returns the Joy to College Sports

Conference realignment, hooray! It’s when all of your favorite aspects of college sports come to the forefront to shape the future of numerous sports based purely on potential football revenue!

If you’re like me, an empty husk devoid of empathy who has allowed money to entirely paint my worldview, then you love conference realignment, and it’s not just because it means sports fans get to discuss TV rights deals rather than actual game play. The destruction of decades-old rivalries? Nothing a little corporate branding can’t fix. Building a larger resource gap between the haves and have nots that’s not at all based on merit on the field? Sports aren’t about the games, anyway. Completely twisting the purpose of athletics from the incredible human feats that wow and inspire us to coldly doing what’s best for the suits’ bottom line? It’s just entertainment, bro.

Thanks, Kirk.

For whatever reason, some people don’t have the same appreciation for a shrewd businessman squeezing every last dollar he can out of something genuine and authentic. I had the pleasure of laughing at one of them.

“So with this conference realignment, we’re going to lose Bedlam, or at least devalue it, so instead Oklahoma can play Florida in the SEC Championship sometimes?” said some beta whose name I forget, maybe Justin or something else lame. “Kansas men’s basketball, one of the most storied hoops program ever, might fizzle down to lower levels now? Baylor women’s basketball might experience the same? All because Texas and Oklahoma need to have more money so they can pump more into their football programs so they can keep marketing to new students so they can make more money?”

That’s about all I got from his rant before I tuned him out. I don’t listen to people who don’t use expensive status symbols for internal and external validation. Nerds.

For those of us who are so deeply fulfilled by lavish spending and the pursuit of infinite profits, Texas and Oklahoma moving to the SEC is fantastic, and we can only hope this conference realignment continues the ongoing domino effect of destroying the smaller brands in college sports so that we’re just left with not the best teams, but the biggest brands. Because when I turn on my TV for a weekend of college sports, I want to see the big-name teams only, not a legitimate competition based on hard work, skill, and merit. That’s why I love Texas to the SEC so much.

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And to the eight Big 12 schools left behind in this conference realignment like the broke-ass losers they are: sorry, just like God intended, higher education and amateur athletics are a cutthroat business, and there’s no room for stuff like unity, compassion, or sharing. These are the things you should have considered before opening an education business in Kansas.

This post was brought to you by Disney, your friendly neighborhood international conglomerate of princesses, sparkles, and equality for all of our shareholders.

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