The whole international pandemic thing that’s going down forced the 2020 March Madness to be cancelled. Or so you thought.
The NCAA is skipping this year’s tournament at all levels, but /r/CollegeBasketball has sponsored its own alternative Men’s Division I tournament: Reddit March Madness. Streamed exclusively on YouTube and executed with a college basketball video game from almost 15 years ago, this year’s March Madness is sure to be unpredictable and full of really dumb turnovers.
Nothing But Nylon is providing the exclusive* coverage of the event from the bedroom of our headquarters. Don’t miss any of the real* quotes and bone-breaking analysis that you’ll only find here because of how exclusive* this content is.
* = this means you can’t sue me
Kentucky Reddit March Madness Results
First Round – Defeated No. 14 Bradley, 79-63
Second Round – Defeated No. 6 Iowa, 97-88
Sweet 16 – Defeated No. 7 Illinois, 98-79
Wildcats Fans Sharpen Pitchforks ahead of Elite Eight
Twice in three years, the Wildcats made the Elite Eight. Twice in three years, Kentucky’s season ended there.
It has been a long, painful five years for Big Blue Nation to suffer through without a Final Four appearance, and Lexington is growing weary of mediocrity.
“We ain’t even won shit yet,” said card-carrying Big Blue Nation member Peevis Moon. “This is the season, right here. Final Four or never more for John Calipoopi.”
Kentucky head coach and burier of bodies John Calipari has had to deal with a portion of Big Blue Nation that will never be satisfied with anything less than a Final Four or national championship is near almost, or in some cases every, season. He knows that if his team loses in the Elite Eight for the third time in four years, there will be fans calling for a new boss to head the mob.
I asked him about this during a one-on-one interview in the hallways of the arena.
“This is an important lesson to learn, kid,” he said, stopping our conversation to put his arm around my shoulder and walk me slowly down the concourse. “Ya can’t please ’em all. You’ll never be enough for some, but that don’t matter, kid. Ya gotta keep that head up, push forward and keep on movin’. Fuck ’em, who needs ’em.”
Understanding that I was in the midst of the man who had experienced plenty in his lifetime and had a wealthy of knowledge to share, I implored him on how to achieve that mindset.
“It’s all about knowing in your heart of hearts that you’re the absolute man,” John Calipari explained. “That you are the king, the top dog, the head honcho. Ya gotta live like you own the place, kid, come on! I can’t teach you everything.”
He ruffled my hair a little, and I felt safe for the first time in a very long time.
I learned a lot that day, like the most efficient ways to inflict pain on someone without leaving any marks. I’m still deciding how to use my new-found wisdom.
Kentucky will face BYU in the South Regional Final in Houston on Monday at 7 p.m. EST. Be sure to follow along with Nothing But Nylon’s comprehensively exclusive* coverage of the 2020 Reddit March Madness.
Part of the proceeds from the sale of each #RedditMarchMadness t-shirt will go toward helping those in the basketball community affected by COVID-19. We will be partnering with non-profits like the Give and Go Foundation on the effort. If you know of a worthy group that could use some extra funds, please reach out.